Unauthoritative Pronouncements

Another retirement was announced at Apple and people clutched their pearls. What could it mean? They must not like it there! That means things are bad! There’s more than one person that is leaving! That must be really bad!

Then everyone forgot about that crisis by the afternoon because there was a new rumor that Apple was buying Beats. Twitter has been apeshit since then. Otherwise normal, rational human-beings are loosing their minds. Everything from assuming Beats branding will be on products, to assuming that Apple is buying them for hardware —which has been near-universally panned by the judgy-judges despite most acknowledging they have no firsthand experience with said Beats products. It’s like it’s an election year and your party didn’t win so you’re declaring you’re moving to Canada —again.

Pull out of this nosedive and unclench your bowels.

Do you know what happened yesterday? The sun came out.

Do you know what happened today? The sun came out.

Do you know what happens tomorrow? The sun will come out.

It’s fine to have theories, to guess why something is happening, but the sky isn’t falling. That is not to suggest people should be apathetic. That they can’t have feelings. After all, last week I lambasted Comixology on the basis of their actions. Actions are different from theories cooked up on Twitter, based off of a rumor that simply states a company will be acquired. Who the hell knows what will happen? Tim Cook could just as easily adopt the branding as shutter it all. After all, this acquisition will hurt current Beats partners.

If anything I think this is a symptom of cognitive whiplash. People that have spent many years formulating their deeply-held, personal beliefs about Beats Audio are face-to-face with the prospect of Apple acquiring the company they hate. How much of this deep, personal conviction has to do with audio, and how much of it has to do with Beats branding appearing on PC’s and Android devices, will vary from person to person.

A quick, and easy, way to avoid having to back out of etched-in-stone opinions is to not have etched-in-stone opinions.

My own personal bias is that I just wasn’t ever going to pony-up the dough for their stuff, but I also don’t burn money on Apple earbuds/earpods either. It’s not one vs. the other. It’s not even about the best ones money can buy, or the best value. I’m just not that demanding in this area. I did try their music app on my iPhone when people were lauding the service at its premiere, but I was turned off by the selection mechanism, and by the way the app breaths battery-life like air. So no, I don’t love them. I’m just not going to flip-my-shit. I neither look forward to it, nor shun it, until the waveform collapses — when there is action.

What is all this teeth-gnashing getting us, other than a bigger bill from our dentists, and a lot of headaches?